How technology has made parenting more difficult and how to navigate it

The internet has changed the world forever and children are being raised in a world very different from the one that their parents grew up in. As technology changes so rapidly, it can be tough to be on top of the latest trends and to understand and stay across what kids do online.

At the most serious end of this, Esther Ghey, the mother of Brianna Ghey who was tragically murdered, has spoken about how she believes unmonitored access to the internet is partly what led to her daughter’s murder, telling the BBC, “I understand how difficult being a parent is in this current day and age with technology and phones and the internet and how hard it is to actually monitor what your child is actually on.”

To explore how technology has made parenting harder and to provide advice on navigating the online world, BBC Bitesize Parents' Toolkit talked to Will Gardner, CEO of Childnet.

Mobile Phones

“Mobile phones can literally provide a lifeline for children,” says Will, “They can reach out and get help if they need it. There's also the range of entertainment activities and learning that you can do through apps as well as communication with your friends and peers.”

But Will explains that there are also downsides, “The risks that come from mobile phones stem from the general risks of being online.” Will breaks down the risks into the four Cs - Content, , Conduct and Commerce.

“ is who you're in touch with and how they might present risks to you - that can be online bullying, or it might be adults with a sexual interest in children.”

“Content refers to the risk of seeing harmful content, such as content that isn’t age appropriate - the kind of things that we try to protect young people offline from, as well as misinformation and disinformation.”

“Conduct is how your own behaviour can put yourself at risk - that can be in what we post or share online with others, how sharing personal information can put yourself at risk.”

“Commerce relates to issues like phishing and financial scams, or running up unexpected bills online, but there are also risks in advertising not being understood as such, and understanding how influencers operate in this context.”

These risks are present whenever a child is online, but Will says that mobile phones have their own unique challenges, “The additional factor with the mobile phone is that it's harder for parents to supervise what their child is doing. It gives young people a degree of freedom of accessing content or taking and sharing photographs or doing all these other things which can be harder for parents to supervise.”

There are several things you can do to reduce these risk factors. Will says, “The major phone operating systems on smartphones, iOS (Apple) and Android (Google), have features which allow a level of supervision of what a child is doing on their own phone…

We'd really encourage parents to look at these from the beginning.”

Apple’s Family Sharing and Google’s Family Link have settings parents or carers can set up which enable supervision. These include children having to send a request before ing an app or game, being able to review your child’s screen time, setting time limits on specific apps and tracking family member’s physical location.

Five things to consider when buying your child their first mobile phone.

Laptops & Tablets

Like mobile phones, there can be real advantages to children using laptops. Will explains, “For more than a decade there’s been recognition of the educational advantages of having access to the internet at home, with findings showing that internet connected households do better in exams. And that was one of the concerns during lockdown. Some people were really disadvantaged by not having laptops or tech at home and having to do everything through phones. But like phones, it is access to the internet that provides the benefits as well as the risks.”

The four Cs also apply to laptops. As with phones, it can be difficult for parents to monitor what children do on them. Will says, “Laptops have an element of portability about them. Parental supervision can be hard but there are possible ways for parents to monitor what young people are doing. Depending on the device you have, there are ways you can set up a laptop to enable a kind of parent-child relationship like with mobile phones.”

it is access to the internet that provides the benefits as well as the risks."

Windows laptops have s, Google Chromebooks allow you to set up child-specific s and Apple laptops have Screen Time. These have features parents or carers can set up which include restricting which sites children can access and reviewing what content they are viewing.

Will explains that there are also ways to limit internet access through the home’s WiFi connection, “Any device accessing the internet via the WiFi at home will have a free from your internet service provider that you can use to block out inappropriate content and you can add on particular sites. your Internet Service Provider to check or look on their website.”

Games Consoles

Most 7-18 year olds in the country own a games console. Will says, “Games are massively popular, and you saw during lockdown how games became a really important way for young people to connect together. So there are obviously huge positives in gaming and a lot of learning has become gamified.”

Like mobile phones and laptops, there are also risks around gaming relating to the four Cs.

Video games come with an age rating which is how parents can make sure that the content in them is appropriate for their child’s age.

With , Will says that there are risks that come from games you play online.

“You might be talking to people you don’t know which can carry risks to children and young people.”

As a parent, you also can’t control the conduct of everyone your child might come across when playing online, Will explains that, "If there is chat, even voice chat, in games, it could be people who are exposing your child to language you’d rather they weren’t exposed to.”

And with commerce, Will says, “It’s possible for features in games and apps to be purchased which can lead to large bills and it can be difficult to determine what is content and what is advertising in these environments.”

Like with other technology, there are limits you can put on games consoles. Will says, “I'd really recommend doing that and trying to set things up at the beginning is easier than trying to impose things later on.”

Nintendo and Playstation have s and Xbox has Family Settings. Features on these services allow parents to control what games their children play, set time limits of how long they can be on the device for, get reports of how much they are using it and block their ability to play with strangers online.

With games and other technologies, Will thinks it’s a good idea to try and engage with what your child is doing, “If parents and carers can say to young people, I'm interested in your use of tech, it's going to make young people feel more comfortable to come forward and talk about the things that are worrying them online. Parents or carers have a really important role there even without being tech experts.”

“There are tools that can be activated that can help with parenting online, but the message we give is that these are a help, but not a solution.” Will says.

“Regular check-ins with your child about their online lives are critical, making sure they know they can come to you if they are worried about something or someone online.”

BBC Action Line have links to lots of helpful content and services.

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